


No Time for Losers

by Aeolian



Series: So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep [5]
Category: Marvel 616, Ms. Marvel (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition, F/F, High Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3374258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeolian/pseuds/Aeolian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an unseasonably cold night, with chilly rain lashing at oil-cloth windows, but the cheery Red Kettle Inn had never boasted such large numbers. Every table was crowded, every tankard filled to the brim with foaming ale. <i>Mother is back</i>, murmured the rumor mill, the fastest channel of news in Manna-hata, <i>Where are the Champions to seal her again?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	No Time for Losers

It was an unseasonably cold night, with chilly rain lashing at oil-cloth windows, and yet the cheery Red Kettle Inn had never boasted such large numbers. Every table was crowded, every tankard filled to the brim with foaming ale. _Mother is back_ , murmured the rumor mill, the fastest channel of news in Manna-hata, _Where are the Champions to seal her again?_

In the darkest corner, a table of seven huddled around their barely-touched ale, unnoticed by other patrons. Here was Kyudo the Griffin-Eyed, whose arrows have never missed their target; Amethyst the Brave, whose boots have stomped in the face of the Mad God; Balthamel the Favored and Taim the Guardian, whose combined powers make even the gods tremble in fear; Traumatizer the Swift, fleet of foot and sticky of fingers; Kalima the Righteous, who appeared at the champion's most dire hour to save the day; and their leader Derufin the Arcane, whose mental stores of knowledge were rivaled only by his physical stores of artifacts. The Champions were here, but out of armor, none knew them by sight.

"Who is Mother, anyway?" asked Kalima, who had been a disciple in the distant Temple of Jersey while Mother ravaged the land three solar cycles ago.

"A mind-drainer, a shape-shifter," spat Amethyst, "A parasite."

Taim, the son of a shifter, growled, but his beloved Balthamel placed a mollifying hand on his shoulder and said, quickly, "Derufin and I sealed Mother ourselves, with charms stronger than spite, more durable than rumor. The moons will fall into the sea before she escapes them. Surely the tall tales lie."

"Nay," cried the drunkard at the next table, apparently overhearing their talk, "Mother walks once more among us. You can doubt all you want, but know this: Mother has already sunk her poisonous fangs in the King and Queen of Lang, and will surely strike again!"

"No way," said Kyudo, wide-eyed, "Are you talking about Lang, the home of Princess Cassie?"

But the drunkard had already fallen into the sleep of the inebriated, deaf to the world. It was Derufin who replied, "There's only one Kingdom of Lang I know of. We should go check it out."

"No. New house. We stay," said Taim, hand curled around Balthamel's arm.

"Whatever," said Traumatizer, pocketing the drunk's watch, "Are we at the stabbing people part yet?"

Kalima pounded the table with a fist.

"Okay, this is not what I came all the way over from Jersey for," she said passionately, "Are you guys the Champions or not? Where is your sense of adventure? Of duty?"

No one moved.

"Chica, pull up a notebook, because this is how you get the Champions motivated," said Amethyst, letting her stool scrape the flagstone as she stood, "Champions! I'm giving you five seconds to find a sense of adventure before I take my boot and _cram_ it up your behinds."

There was a sudden flurry of scraping chair legs.

 

The Kingdom of Lang lay many marches to the West, but with two Scrolls of Plane Shift and a bit of convincing ("Traumatizer, a little hand-holding won't _kill_ you."), the party found themselves in the middle of a familiar Great Hall, decked in red and silver tapestry.

"Ugh, one-time deal. Never again," said Traumatizer, rubbing his hands upon his bark-skin breeches in disgust.

"Cassie?" Kyudo whispered, but no one answered, not even the pantry mice.

"In the watch tower," said Derufin, his eyes glowing blue with telepathy. His little bat-winged homunculus flitted nervously before them up the winding staircase, into an shooting platform, empty, except for a dagger-waving girl, who cried, upon seeing them, "Come no nearer, or taste my blade!"

Kyudo recognized the voice of her friend.

"Oh my futzing god!" she said with relief, "Don't you recognize me? It's me, Kyudo."

But Cassie continued to point the knife at her with trembling hands. "I know all your tricks, Mother. Take off her face!"

"But it's me," said Kyudo, "Look, I'll prove it. Your favorite color is red. You hate pecans. You tell your father your favorite movie is Battle Royale because it's his favorite movie and you like making him happy, but really, you like Princess Mononoke best."

"Princess who?" whispered Balthamel, "What's a movie? What manner of arcane sorcery do they have in the Kingdom of Lang?"

Ignoring him, the two friends embraced, laughing tearfully.

"Your Highness, err, Princess, err, Majesty?" asked Kalima.

"No need for formalities. Please, call me Cassie." said Cassie, wiping her eyes as she pulled away from the embrace.

"Right. Cassie. Uh, we've heard Mother's broken free. Is that true?"

"Oh yes. The Eldest released her, to return a favor, and now she is stronger than ever. No charm can seal her. Only the Cosmic Cube might hope to hold her now."

"The Cube?" said Balthamel, skeptically, "I have not heard such tales since I was a babe at my mother's knee."

"Hmm, my notes say that it's real enough," said Derufin, "But it's no genie's lamp, I can tell you that."

A sudden chill went through the room. Derufin automatically threw up an Invisibility net around them, and the Champions crowded protectively around Cassie like wolves around their cub.

"Well, look what Mother has found," said Mother, wearing the body of King Gaelic, staring straight through the Invisibility spell at them, twisting his kindly face into a sneer. "Naughty, naughty. Children shouldn't be up so late past their bedtime."

Flesh-colored ribbons shot out from her fingertips towards the Champions, ripping through Derufin's net like the reinforced mesh was made of spider silk. Derufin frantically dug through his haversack, but there was nothing else that would protect the entire team. He braced for the impact.

But the tendrils bounced harmless off a barrier of blue light instead--psionics. More blue light glowed around Cassie's fingers as the Champions felt the psionics of psychoportation tugging at them, the walls of the watchtower fading like it was dropped in milk.

"Go!" cried Cassie, brows furrowed in concentration, "I'll buy you some time. Find the--"

 

"No!" screamed Kyudo, "Take us back! We have to rescue Cassie!"

They stood ankle deep in a dank swamp, far from the dry plains of Lang. False dawn bathed the dead trees in a flat grey light.

"The scrolls take time to craft," said Derufin, "The earliest I can get you there is tomorrow."

"What about you, Balthamel? Taim?" cried Kyudo, rounding on them, "Are we just going to let Cassie fight Mother on her own?"

They bowed their heads silently. For all of their combined magic, neither had the ability to teleport such distances.

Amethyst placed on a hand on Kyudo's arm, saying softly, "We'll get her back, princess. I promise you. But right now, we have bigger issues to focus on. How do we stop Mother?"

Kyudo leaned into the touch, overcome with grief.

"She should have been able to see through my net, or broken the protection spell I put on it. Whatever happened since she broke out has made her stronger," said Derufin, "Cassie's right. We need that Cosmic Cube. But using it might just kill us too."

"You know why that won't stop us? 'Cuz we are the champions, my friends," sang Kalima, "And we'll keeping on fighting--oh, sorry. Ahem. Tell us where we can find the Cube, Derufin."

"According to my notes, the Cube has only been used four times in the last millennium," said Derufin, "Once each in the Kingdoms of Lang, Torfa, Garkum and Ironclaw."

"Ironclaw's the further, right? We go there first," said Amethyst, "Every single time, the magic doohickey grows legs and walks away right before we get there. So this time, we start at the end and work our way back, and if it isn't there, I swear--"

"We stay," said Taim.

"Oh, not this again," snapped Amethyst, "So your mother was an Ironclaw. Boo hoo. This is important to Kyudo, and you're going to help."

"No. They did no wrong," growled Taim, his hands curling into claws, "We stay."

"Look, all kidding aside, we're just going to sit down and talk with them, not slaughter them indiscriminately. How hard could it be?" said Kalima, "And plus, we're the Champions. We go as a team or we don’t go at all."

The Ironclaw were a proud race, ruled by a great and wise queen. Her daughter, seeking to expand upon her glory, conquered neighboring lands until the kingdom swelled to its greatest size. She had succeeded in gaining glory, but perhaps too well. Governance never caught up to the rapid conquering, and civil war and insurgency tore the kingdom apart. Yet Ironclaw warriors never learned to back down, and they rushed at the Champions, weak and battle-weary, like moths before a firestorm. Taim could only avert his eyes as his mother's people threw themselves upon the sword. Queen Firstfrost would make her mark upon history, but not as she planned--the last of the Ironclaw monarchs, fallen before the blood-splattered Champions.

"You will not kill me!" Queen Firstfrost shouted, her claws at her own throat, "I will slit my throat!"

"Your Majesty," said Taim in Shifter's Speech, going to one knee, "We came not for your life, but only to ask for the Cosmic Cube in your possession."

"The Cosmic Cube?" the queen said, then laughed shrilly, "Oh, to be killed for an artifact we no longer have!"

 

The table flipped through the air, scattering miniatures, dice, paper, candles and the last of Billy's organic chips. America snarled, rolling up her sleeves.

"I swear upon Odin's eye patch that it was written the scenario!" wailed Loki, half-hysterically, holding the dungeon master's screen before him like a shield.

Outside, a roll of thunder rattled the windowpanes of Kate's apartment, briefly canceling out the pounding rain. Embiggening her hand, Kamala quickly snuffed out a candle with a cupped hand before it could burn a hole through the West Elm area rug.

"Thanks," said Kate, reaching under the sectional for a die, "I know we're a little unorthodox around here. You feeling overwhelmed at all?"

"No, it's great!" said Kamala, grinning broadly, "I mean, it's great just hanging out with the Young Avengers at _all_ , and to find out that you guys are nerds--I-I mean--"

Kate just laughed as Kamala's face flamed red, and hiked her thumb over at Billy and Teddy, who seemed to have lost all interest in the world outside each other now that the game had been interrupted. "Hey, no. Those nerds started it, but we've all been campaigning on and off for about a year now. What can I say? Being a nerd's fun."

Kamala sighed in relief, wiping her brow, waiting for her face to return to its normal color. The noise level from the Loki-America argument rose sharply, and there was a sudden flash of green. America's fist bounced off of a wall of green light, behind which Loki crouched with both hands spread before him.

"Hey, no magic in this house," barked Kate.

"She started it!" said Loki, sulking.

Kamala watched Kate just lean into America's shoulder, not at all chastised. America huffed a little in silent laughter, leaning right back.

"Now can we get back to the game?" Kate asked, archly.

 

Sawunax the Red Dragon had blunted claws and milk-white cataracts over his eyes, but he also had the Cosmic Cube in his meager hoard. The Champions would not be deterred.

"Halt, trespassers! Turn away before Sawunax the Bloodthirsty turns your bones to ash," the old dragon rumbled, smoke curling from the corners of his mouth.

"We've got no beef with you," said Kyudo, drawing upon her Insight, "We just need something from your, err, well-stocked hoard."

"It sparkles so, my gold, does it not?" preens the old dragon, "Speak then, human. What ruby catches your eye?"

"The Ironclaw lady said that you had the Cosmic Cube laying around here somewhere."

The dragon roars with laughter, shaking the walls of the cave. The Champions can hear an avalanche groaning down the mountainside, one of many they'd seen during their hike.

"Is that what the little tigerlings say? Do they forget that they stole it from Sawunax in the first place?"

"Look, we're no thieves," said Kyudo, "We just want to borrow it to get rid of Mother."

"That everlasting pest?" mused Sawunax, tossing a few chunks of glowing blue stone their way, "Very well, human, you may borrow it."

Kyudo stretched out a hand to catch them, but Traumatizer snatched them out of the air. He tilted his head in confusion. "This doesn't look like a Cube."

"Does Sawunax lie?" growled the dragon, knocking the pieces from his hand with a sweep of the tail. The walls began shaking again ominously, the air thick with acrid smoke.

Kyudo clapped a hand over Traumatizer's mouth and said quickly, "Hey no. We just thought that it'd look more like...a cube."

"It did indeed," muttered Sawunax, tail flicking from side to side, "Millennia ago, when the tigerlings stole the Cube, it was a perfect hexahedron. But they were greedy and split it four ways among themselves. Two pieces I have recovered, from Ironclaw and Garkum, but the other two remain beyond Sight."

"Well, have you heard of my can, the House Bishop?" said Kyudo.

"Bishop the dragonmarked? No wonder you speak so fair," said the dragon thoughtfully, "Yes, House Bishop has always been a noble house of their word, as far as mortals go."

"So then you know our rule--whatever we borrow, we return double. Lend us half the Cube, and we'll return it to you whole."

 

"Well that was nice," grumbled Traumatizer, "How are we supposed to find another half of the Cube?"

"Four records of the Cube in use. Four fragments scattered across the land," said Kyudo, tilting her upturned palms as if balancing them like a scale.

"So each kingdom only had a piece of the Cube, not the whole thing?" mused Amethyst, "Sure, I'll buy that."

Kyudo smiled at her , shy and sweet.

"Next stop, Torfa," said Derufin, smoothing out a Scroll of Plane Shift.

 

"The cursed Cube?" gasped Tic, the first Torfanids they met, making signs of the Seeing Eye to ward off evil, "Nay, I've never seen it, and good riddance."

"Cursed? How so?" asked Derufin, excited as always over a potential new artifact, pen poised to take notes. Kyudo nudged him gently, and he shrugged in apology.

Tic either didn't notice, or was too polite to comment. "A thousand solar cycles ago, or so say the legends, the Cube was used to fight off demons trying to swallow the kingdom whole. But evil begets evil, so the Cube's poison ran into the water and air. All sickened and died, until a band of brave heroes buried it in the Doomed Temple."

"The Temple of Sentimault?" asked Derufin, to which the girl carefully nodded, "Good, I know the way."

It was but a half-march from the Torfa Wall to the Temple, a rotten stone tower nestled in a copse of dead trees, chattering like bones in the thin, freezing wind. Amethyst heaved open the solid doors, and they crept inside, following Taim's magical torch. All except Kalima.

"What's wrong?" asked Kyudo.

"It's dark and filled with evil spirits," said Kalima, trembling, "I can feel rakshasas below our feet. They're going to make me one of them."

"You won't be alone," said Amethyst, "We'll be with you every step of the way. We're the Champions. We go as a team or we don't at all, remember?"

Kalima huffed a breath of laughter, one hand in Amethyst's, the other in Kyudo's as they descend into the darkness.

A portcullis clanged shut as the three of them reached the bottom of the stairs. Amethyst shouted and kicked the door, only to be thrown back by a blast of arcane magic.

"Well, guess there's no way out but forward," said Kyudo, helping her up, "Are you hurt?"

"Only my pride," grumbled Amethyst, dusting herself off, "What're we looking at?"

The room is as dank as expected, the only sounds the echo of their voices and the dripping of water. A crater pocketed the floor in the north-east corner, the after-effect of some trap. Other than the blocked stairwell, the only other exit to the room was a door, probably locked.

"I'll check the door," announced Traumatizer, darting forward. Three paces from the door, he barely tumbled out of the path of a fired arrow.

"Poisoned," said Derufin, after letting his homunculus take a cursory sniff, "Someone doesn't want us here."

Another arrow whistled past them, only from Kyudo's bow. It stuck out of a barely visible notch in the stone wall. She said, smugly, "That should take care of it."

And indeed, when Traumatizer approached the door, the mechanism merely clicked--triggered but unable to fire. A quick jimmy of the heavy iron lock, and the door opened. Traumatizer bowed. "Lady who is immune to poison first."

Amethyst rolled her eyes, but strode calmly through the door, a Cap of Daylight on her head, courtesy of Derufin.

The ground suddenly yawned into a pit beneath her feet.

A hand darted out to grab hers, and Amethyst grunted in pain, smacking the side of the pit hip-first. Kyudo loomed above her, brows knitted in concentration, lip caught between teeth, hand clamped fiercely just above Amethyst's elbow. Three body-lengths below, jagged spikes lined the bottom of the pit, piercing the ribcages of stark white skeletons.

Slowly they hauled her back to solid ground, Amethyst pulled by Kyudo pulled by Kalima pulled by Derufin. Traumatizer pulled one over them all, sitting on the sidelines.

"Concealed by magic," said Derufin, shining a Lamp of Dispel Magic, "See?"

The solid floor dissolved away to reveal a series of pits, all as treacherous as the one Amethyst fell in. A wooden chest was revealed as well, in an alcove on the north side of the room, on the other side of the largest pit in the room. Traumatizer pointed and stomped his foot.

"You do realize none of us can levitate you, right?" said Amethyst, still holding onto Kyudo's wrist. She kicked Taim's ankle.

"Huh?" said Taim eloquently, entangling himself from Balthamel's embrace, "Oh, right."

He called up the groundwater seeping beneath their feet, and then roared, flash freezing all the moisture in the room. In a matter of moments, all the pits were filled with ice, easy enough to walk over. Traumatizer whooped and slid toward his prize as quickly as he was able. Sadly, the chest contained only gold and a flask of Holy Water.

"Yeah, because there was no way it could be that easy," sighed Derufin, "Well, at least this door's not locked. Guess _someone_ 's not a complete bastard."

The passageway was dark and twisted, but the floor solid, Derufin's Lantern of Dispel Magic dispelling any doubt as well. Another closed portcullis forced them to detour yet again, where another locked door blocked their path. _Thupp, thupp thupp!_ went Kyudo's arrows, in all the crevices where traps might lie, before Traumatizer darted forward to charm the door open.

"There is no lock," he said, perplexed, then shoved at the stone door.

It didn't budge.

"Allow me," said Amethyst, rolling up her sleeves, and punched the door. It cracked, so she gave a mighty battle cry and punched it again. One, two and a kick, and the door shattered into seven pieces.

Balthamel coughed and blinked, and said, "Hey, Kalima, remember what you said about rakshasas?"

"Yeah," said Kalima with not a little trepidation, "Why?"

Balthamel stepped aside so she could look. Four Wraiths cast ghostly shadows across the flagstone floor, a challenge fit for an Avenger.

Divine rage was a beauty to behold from the sidelines, a whirlwind dance of steel and fury, the wraiths falling like grain before Kalima's deadly scythe. In less than half the time of a practice skirmish, Kalima stood alone, heaving with exertion, the undead spirits evaporating to the Fugue Plane where they belonged. The haunted look had lifted from Kalima's eyes, and all that was left was a fierce joy.

After that, it was only two more dead ends and a booby-trapped archway before they reached the inner sanctuary, the Cube sitting on an altar tiled with mosaic patterns. Two dust wights swirled into being, malevolent spirits bent on gleeful evil.

"Have you come to play?" asked one.

They giggled as the Champions hewed and hacked at them, laughed outright as arcane magic passed right through them. "Oh that tickles. Do it again!"

Finally Derufin shouted to Taim, "Do it!"

Without hesitation, Taim called up the water trickling over the ceiling, gathering it into a spout. He blasted the water at the dust wights, who screamed, as they clumped together into amorphous masses, but then started cackling ominously.

"Are you sure that's wise?" they asked, two voices as one, their clumped form growing into a larger single wight, gathering all the dust in the room to itself.

"Yes," growled Taim, then roared, tiger fangs all on display.

Ice clung to the altar, froze in a sheet on the stone walls, their clothes, even their hair. And the dust wights, weighted down with all that water, froze completely solid.

A single kick from Amethyst shattered them into nothing more than ice shards.

"Boo yeah!" said Traumatizer, pumping the air with a fist, "Let's go get a drink."

"They'll have apple juice," said Derufin before Kalima could object.

 

"What brisk trade you make," said Balthamel to the Red Kettle Inn innkeeper, walking behind Taim as he bodily parted the dense crowd, "Are you sure there's enough lodging for the seven of us?"

"Oh, yes, of course my lord," simpered the innkeeper, "The villagers have been guzzling ale every night of the week since the news broke, but they go home to sleep around their own hearths."

"What news?" asked Kyudo, close on their heels.

"Oh, only that the Haffensye are waging war upon the Ironclaw."

 

"I'm not going," said Amethyst.

"We go as team or we no go," growled Taim, "Or this because we not kill people?"

"Look, just go," growled Amethyst, crossing her arms, "My character sheet says I can't help the Ironclaw because it's against my religion."

"It actually says you can't help the Ironclaw because they killed your parents," said Traumatizer over Amethyst's shoulder, before leaping over the table in self-defense, "Okay, okay! No peeking. Geez, take a chill pill."

Kyudo looked back as they leave, but Keye stood with her back to them the entire time, as stiff and impenetrable as a castle wall.

 

Having lost the last of their elite soldiers to the Champions, Ironclaw was ill-equipped to deal with any outside threats. As a result, even a marauding band like the Haffensye posed a threat to the monarchy.

Except the gossip mill was wrong. What should have been a small Haffensye raiding force turned out to be a mob of hundreds--all the different tribes the Ironclaw had conquered banding together to defeat a common foe.

The Champions fought courageously and well, carving a path to the throne room so that Queen Firstfrost could escape. But the waves of enemies was as endless as the ocean, and the Champions, still weary from their last fight, kept losing ground.

And then Derufin fell, his homunculi and buffs disintegrating. Kalima cried out, blades slicing through her previously magicked armor. Traumatizer dropped to one knee, bleeding freely.

"Heal yourself and come back!" shouted Kyudo. Her hand closed around empty air. Her last quiver was empty. She drew the poisoned daggers from her boots. "Quick!"

Derufin nodded, pressing a shaking palm to a Scroll of Plane Shift.

The next to fall was Balthamel, stabbed in the side by a Garkum spear. Taim roared in blind rage, whirling in a deadly dervish, terrifying as a tiger.

"Berserker!" went up the cry.

And Taim did look like a Berserker, with his cat-green eyes and dagger-long claws, snarling and rending in a whirlwind of grief. But the panicking horde was running _toward_ them, not away, knocking Kyudo to the ground in their blind terror. Kyudo cried out and curled into a ball, protecting her head and ribs as best as she could from the stamping feet.

And then, nothing. A purple glow extended an inch from her skin, covering her entire body and Amethyst materializing above her, wreathed in a halo of blue and red, like a goddess, a hand extended toward her.

"You came back," said Kyudo, letting Amethyst pull her to her feet, and overcome with the flood of emotions--joy, relief, gratitude, she let the momentum carry her into Amethyst's embrace, press her lips against Amethyst's.

 

"Ahem," said Loki, "Are you two done yet?"

"No, don't stop them," Kamala said, bouncing in her chair, "My Hawkmerica slash fic numbers are _so_ going to own b@ac0nm@g1c's."

Loki narrowed his eyes at Kamala. "You're on yamblr?"

"Duh," said Kamala, still sneaking glances at where Kate and America were still kissing, "Who isn't?

"So where were we?" said David with an eyeroll, tamping the edges of his sheets straight against the table, "I've repaired the Packmate and used a healing wand on myself, so I should have enough HP to get back into the battle and start healing everyone. Can I also use my resist energy schema this turn?"

"Actually," breathed Billy, staring into Teddy's eyes, "Teddy and I just forgot a thing at home."

"Yeah," said Teddy, staring right back, a little glassy-eyed, "Uh. Oven thing. Very urgent."

"You know what? Rocks fall, everyone dies," snapped Loki, throwing up his hands, "I quit!"

With that, he pranced out. A moment later, Billy and Teddy blinked out in a flash of blue light, leaving the rest of the players blinking at each other in confusion. Outside, the Brooklyn skyline was still dark and still, with only a few buildings running emergency generators.

"So who's DM now?" said David, after the silence grew awkward. Tommy immediately flailed his hand in the air, nearly extinguishing three of the candles.

"No," David, Kate and America said simultaneously. Tommy drooped.

"Actually, I don't think you've been DM before, Kamala," said Kate, before Tommy could argue, "Do you want to try?"

"Well, um, I guess?" said Kamala, biting her lip, "I mean, I've never done it before _at all_ and I'll probably screw something up and--"

"That's fine," said David, pushing his shades up, "You've been doing great so far. And Loki leaves a lot of notes, so you can just crib off those."

"Okay," said Kamala tentatively, tiptoeing behind the screen, flipping through Loki's notes with a flashlight in hand. "Huh. Wow--oh _wow_ , he definitely came prepared. I mean, he wrote up a scenario where you all just forgot Mother and set up a farm in Torfa."

The other three stared silently at Tommy.

"Oh come on," whined Tommy, "That was _one time_."

"Well, here goes," said Kamala, before taking a deep breath.

 

Okay, so Derufin Plane Shifted back to the battlefield, only to find all of his friends dead. Filled with grief, he activated one of the Cube pieces. It had enough energy to revive the three others closest to him: Kyudo, Amethyst and Traumatizer.

Queen Firstfrost was really cool and built a monument to honor their fallen comrades, even going so far as to offer her remaining soldiers to fight the good fight.

But this was a Champion gig, not Zelda, so they went alone. With all of Derufin's artifacts drained, the team had to leg it back to the Kingdom of Lang, a nine-day journey. The good news was that it gave everyone time to repair and reinforce their stuff, so when they knocked on Castle Lang's door--

Ahem. When they knocked on Castle Lang's--

Hey guys, could we maybe stop making out long enough to finish this campaign?

"Oh sorry," said Kyudo rather breathlessly, patting her hair in place. She thought as hard as she could, knowing Cassie would pick up on the telepathic message, "Cassie, we need your help!"

A tiny field mouse wriggled out from a crack in the stone, twitching its nose at them before running for the woods. The team chased after it, over hills and creeks and whatever goes on in a wood. The mouse stopped at the edge of a clearing, squeaked twice, and then disappeared. And in the clearing--

"You've made it!" said Cassie, "You've brought the Cosmic Cube."

"Well, most of it," said Kyudo, "Do you know where the last piece is?"

Cassie studied the broken pieces and frowned. "Dad did have a glowing stone in the vault, but I'm not sure if Mother knows about it."

"Like, _your_ mother, or Mother mother?" said Traumatizer, scratching his head.

"Either slash or," said Cassie, "But enough talk. Let's go kick Mother's butt!"

Cassie Phase Doored them into the vault, where, o hai, there was indeed a glow-y blue stone. Much shiny. Very Cube. Wow. With the four pieces before them, it was easy to see how they fit together, especially for someone with Derufin's wisdom. The lines smoothed away as the final piece clicked into place, like the cube had never been broken in the first place. It hummed slightly.

"Oh, children," Cassie sing-songed, like that creepy dude in Sherlock, "What a gift you have brought me."

The Champions gasped and clutched the Cosmic Cube.

"What have you done with Cassie?" demanded Amethyst, balling her fists.

"Nothing," said Mother with Cassie's voice, "Naughty children should be sent to their room, don't you think?"

"Okay, show time," said Derufin, "Here's how this is going to work: I need all of you to _wish really hard_ on one thing and touch the Cube."

"But I thought you said that the Cube wasn't a genie lamp," said Kyudo.

"I said that it wasn't how it _worked,_ " said Derufin, "It's not rocket science--the Cube will do what it says on the box, but you have to read the fine print. There's always a price."

"There's no turning back now," growled Amethyst, "We're seeing this through to the end."

She placed her hand next to Derufin's on the Cube, followed by Kyudo's and Traumatizer's.

The Cube glowed blue...then sputtered out like a bad lightbulb.

Mother shrieked with laughter. "Children, children, children. Have you worn out your new toy already? Mother should send you to bed without dinner."

She did her creepy thousand ribbons of death thing again, but Derufin threw up a Net of Repulsion around the party, burning the ribbons on contact. Mother screamed.

"Fool me once," smirked Derufin, "Let's see you try _that_ again."

"What's up with the Cube?" whispered Traumatizer, jittering his leg.

"Something must have drained its power," mused Derufin, frowning.

"Something like reviving three teammates?" said Amethyst, drily.

Everyone turned horrified eyes on her.

"Okay," said Derufin, playing with his shades, "So we need to power it up. And according to my notes, what we need to power it up is something _greater than life_."

"Greater than _life_? As in plural--more lives?" said Kyudo, shrugging.

"Like, not one life. All of our lives," said Traumatizer.

"Nothing worth doing is ever easy," agreed Kyudo.

"Okay, let's do this," said Derufin, "For what it's worth, I'm really glad I went on this adventure with all of you."

Derufin placed his hand on the Cube, followed by Traumatizer and Amethyst and Kyudo. But as Amethyst looked at Kyudo's face, all lit up with fierce determination, she couldn't help but lean in for a kiss.

The little blue cube lit up. It glowed. It hummed. It powered over 9000 and blasted a wave of energy so intense that everything whited out.

 

"So what by the Goddess's underpants just happened?" said Traumatizer, blinking away the worst flash blindness in history.

"I think we accessed a power greater than life," said Derufin, glancing over at the other side of the room, where Amethyst and Kyudo were practically climbing into each other's laps. "Love."

"So are we the only ones still doing this?" said Traumatizer.

"Yep," said Derufin, "We should go see what happened to the Langs."

"Or we could get dinner," said Traumatizer, "We should go get dinner."

"Hey, DM, we're going to go raid Kate's fridge. Wanna come with?"

Sure! Is there any of that fancy hummus left?

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Author's Note:**

> I have played exactly one session of D&D, so if I got anything wrong, please let me know. Thanks!
> 
> With that being said, here are everyone's characters:  
> Derufin (David Alleyne) - human artificer  
> Kyudo (Kate Bishop) - human seeker, dragonmarked  
> Amethyst (America Chavez) - human berserker  
> Dorrek (Teddy Altman) - half-shifter half-wilden druid  
> Willvahm (Billy Kaplan) - deva invoker  
> Kalima (Kamala Khan) - deva avenger  
> Traumatizer (Tommy Shepherd) - wilden essentials thief  
> Dungeon Master - Loki Laufeyson


End file.
